Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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