Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
