I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
