we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
