I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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