My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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