My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
