i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My vagina is officially offended.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
