You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
