i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
