It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
