A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
only you would photoshop your dick
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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