I want to stick my p in your. b.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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