This girl is more easily done than said...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
