i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so let's talk penis.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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