I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just blew my weed a kiss
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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