if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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