Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
