I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
