im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
