Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
