I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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