Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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