I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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