i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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