I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize