As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
