Your face is a jimmy john
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
