If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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