I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
