my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
