the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize