I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
