You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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