You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
