Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
