how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
