dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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