So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
