he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
