the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
