I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
