Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize