dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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