just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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