bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
