You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
