What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
