happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize