so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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