So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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