i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
