so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize