my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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