i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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