how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
