tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize