I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
