That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize