Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So many bounce houses so little time
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
