You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we have officially lost it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
