Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the liver wants what the liver wants
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
