I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
