I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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