please come you make the beer taste better
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
