i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
