He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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