In the future we'll all be gay
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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