omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
