I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
