youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
