I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
