Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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